A month? No. Really? A month. And a whole year too!

I didn't mean for a month to go by without writing a word.
Sometimes life just goes by too fast. I wasn't feeling "back to normal" till about mid-December. Till then I was doing just what I needed to, to get by. Once I got my energy back, I needed to kick it in gear. But I can't seem to get with it. I'm usually done Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving and I'd barely begun it by then. I've gotten a lot done in the past couple of weeks, but not enough, it seems. I feel as if I lost all of November and half of December. It has really affected me, losing that time...
But then, where did the last year go? It seems such a short time ago that we were celebrating the start of a new year.
New Year's resolutions? I always resolve to be a better me. At the end of every year, I always feel that I fail. Let's see if this year will be "the year"!

I'm doing better...for the most part

Well, I just haven't had much to say, or have been too tired to say it.

I am much better. Thank you very much. I am off all meds and the side effects are gone. I absolutely hated that spacey feeling. I still become short of breath easily and I tire easily. But I feel a little better every day.

I hosted Thanksgiving, which was really not a great idea. My brother's girlfriend flew up for the holiday and hadn't met the family yet. My sister made the turkey, stuffing and gravy and an apple pie and pumpkin pie, which really took a load off of me. My brother bought a ham and a chocolate pie. Jamie and I made the sides and got the house ready, with a lot of help from Jim. With all the help that I had, I was still exhausted before everyone got here. I actually had to go and sit in a quiet room for a bit, just to get away from the noise. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I did enjoy it though. I really like my brother's girlfriend. He seems so happy with her.
Friday I rested, mostly. I'm so afraid of getting sick again and am trying to take care of myself.

Jim and Jamie went shopping at 3am Friday. As a rule I hate black Friday. Jamie likes it and I've gone shopping a few times. Jim saw a good deal on a washer/dryer set and was determined to go buy it. Ours run okay. Most of the time. I've resisted spending the money to replace them. Even though the washer, on the spin cycle, sounds like an airplane getting ready to take off. And the dryer, I can't even describe it's special noise. I have been asked, when on the phone, what the noise is though. And our washer and dryer are in our basement! So, come this Thursday we will have a new washer and dryer...

Today I had a follow-up with the pulmonologist that saw me in the hospital. He told me that recovery is about six weeks and that I was progressing normally. It's been a month since I started getting sick.
Then I showed him my right arm, which is the one my IV was in. It's been sore to the touch since I came home from the hospital and is now swollen, not terribly, but noticeably. And so tomorrow I have an ultrasound because it could be a blood clot. Lovely. And on Dec. 9th I have to have a chest CT scan to make sure my lungs are good. I go back to see this doctor on the 21st. I've already seen my primary care doctor for a follow-up and see him again tomorrow for some bloodwork. Oh, and the CT scan? Did I mention that I had one in the hospital and had a panic attack during it, because I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I have never felt that way before! I can't describe it, except to say that I was terrified. When I came home, I could lie down in my bed for no more than a couple of hours before I would get the same panicky feeling. I spent the first two weeks home mostly on our recliner couch, mostly sitting up. Strange. Now I'm okay. My doctor told me that the steroids may cause those feelings. Another reason to hate them...

So, I've basically lost one whole month of my life and that really made me think of the so many ways that I waste time, or put things off or...
Did I mention that I spent a lot of time on the recliner couch...thinking?

Okay, while I was sick Jamie decided to quit her job and go back to subbing, which really wasn't working for her in the first place. Not happy about that, but really too sick to care at the time.
Well, today she had an interview and was offered a job as a lead teacher in the infant room at a childcare/learning center! Not a teacher in a district, but still a teacher! I'm very happy about that!!

And Jon? He got the keys to his house and is doing some mostly minor repairs and painting before he moves in. He mostly has this permanent look of panic in his eyes about the money he has been spending. Poor guy. But that's home ownership for you! I am excited for him!

So, that's my life in a nutshell. Things are looking up!

What a way to spend the month of November

This will be short. Maybe I'll elaborate about my fun month in another post. On November 1st, I started feeling flu symptoms. I spent the following week sometimes feeling better, sometimes feeling worse. Worse won. On November 7th, I was forced talked into going to the ER. I felt horrible, so I finally agreed to go.

There, they told me that you just have to wait out the flu, not much they can do...

Then the doctor came in, listened to me and ordered a chest x-ray.

Double pneumonia. I think I remember him saying that he was very concerned. And that I was being admitted.

Without going into ALL of the details, I spent from late Saturday night until Tuesday evening in the hospital. I shouldn't have come home Tuesday evening, but I convinced them to let me go. My lungs sounded better and that's what was most important. For the next several days at home, I felt no better. Then, slowly, slowly I have started to feel better. Not myself yet, but better.

They figure that I started out with H1N1 and eventually ended up with pneumonia. I have never felt so sick in my life. But I'll be back. I know I'm in here somewhere. I know I will feel more human once I totally get these drugs out of my system. I absolutely hate the "spacey" feeling. I absolutely hate that I have almost zero energy.

But, I'll be back!

Saturday surprise

My son woke up this morning (he usually works on Saturday but not today) and said, "Wake me up again when you've made my macaroni and cheese." For the record, he was joking. I think.
I said, "Funny. Make your own."

A little while later he said, "Do you want to go have lunch at Cracker Barrel?"
I said, "I don't have money to go to lunch today."
He said, "I'll pay."

If you knew my son, you'd just about pass out like I almost did!

How could you pass that offer up?

A few minutes later he said, "Why don't you call Uncle P. (my brother who just moved up to Michigan) and ask him to come along?"
I said, "Still your treat?"
He replied, "Yep."

I wondered to myself who had kidnapped my son and who was this look-a-like.

My brother couldn't pass up a free lunch. So, away we went.

Great lunch (Cracker Barrel has a yummy chicken salad right now) and great conversation.

Great Saturday.

Thankful Thursday

I complain a lot. I know it. I sometimes feel as if that's all I do. So, I've decided that today (because thankful and Thursday sound good together) I'm going to list my blessings. Without any "but's" or "if only's". And I won't list my faith, my family, etc. That's a given! Nope just a simple list of recent events in my simple little life that I am truly thankful for. And this is just what's on my mind this morning. There is so much that I am thankful for! I always need to remind myself of that!

Here goes---

I'm thankful that my daughter found a job, actually two!

I'm thankful that my son closed on  his house!

I'm thankful that my mother's infection responded to the antibiotics and she's much better now!

I'm thankful that my brother is settling in nicely in his new digs!

I'm thankful that we are still working!

I'm thankful that I have my sister to travel together on this "journey" with our mom.

I'm thankful that I have so many books to read!

I'm thankful  that I have much to be thankful for!

Just asking for a little prayer...

My mom would have a fit if she saw this picture. She would say she looks so old!

She lives in a nursing home, but is in the hospital right now. It seems she has an infection (MRSA actually and not her first time) which caused the side of her face to swell. She was sent to the hospital to be treated with IV antibiotics. She was supposed to move back to her nursing home today, but now we're not sure. I won't bore everyone with all the details, but would just like to ask for your prayers for my mom's healing. It takes a lot out of her...

who is calling you?

Okay, so I couldn't get a real clear picture of my caller id, but...

I place an order through the Laura Ingalls Wilder Memorial Society and they had a question. When my phone rang caller id showed:

LAURA INGALLS W

How funny is that?

I used to subscribe to St. Anthony's Messenger and I had let the subscription lapse so they called me. My caller id showed:

ST. ANTHONY

What's funny is that St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost items and I had been searching for something...

For a couple of years I was a member of the Art and Environment committee at our parish. Sometimes someone from church would call and caller id would show:

ST. CHRISTOPHER

Sometimes I feel as if someone is trying to tell me something...

So, who is calling you?

It's a gamble...

Jim and I had a meeting on Saturday in a city three hours west of home. Since we are directors and had to travel over 100 miles, our hotel was provided free of charge (actually by the hotel, which is trying to woo us to have our convention there). Since the meeting was starting at 7:30 am and we didn't care for leaving our house by 4:30 am we went the night before.

We know a couple (the B's) who have been very involved in the association for years. They are stepping down now and are really going to be missed. We are their replacements. Yep, big shoes to fill...

They're nice people though. We've known them for a long time and were happy when they emailed us a couple of weeks ago wanting to get together for dinner on Friday night. As we were checking in, we ran into Mr. B who had just finished up with a meeting that he had that afternoon. He told us that a brand new casino had opened up nearby and that Mrs. B really wanted to go. He said that he didn't care to and that maybe he could talk her out of it. We went up to our room and about 10 minutes later Mr. B calls. They'll pick us up for dinner at a buffet at the casino and only one hour there afterwards for gambling. They promised.

So, on we go to the casino. Did I mention that we don't care for casinos? That we don't "get it"? That it's really sad to see these people just sitting at these machines pushing buttons. How much money do they actually win compared to what they spend? There was a casino in the city where Jamie went to college. Jim and I went there once, just to see, and played the slot machines and lost a few dollars. Jamie and I went there because she wanted to see. We won enough to go have ice cream at the Dairy Queen. Jamie said that when she was student teaching, she drove by that casino every weekday morning at 6:30 am. It was always packed. Sad.

Okay, so dinner was nice. We all ended up getting these club cards because we would save $4.00 each on our buffet. Mrs. B assured us that the casino would only email us and we could then mark the emails as spam. She apparently knows these things. She apparently is a regular visitor at several other casinos. A nice dinner and great conversation. I could have visited another hour, but Mrs. B was anxious to get out onto the floor. We agreed to split up and meet back in an hour. I don't want to make it sound as if Mrs B has a gambling problem. She doesn't do this all of the time, but she does seem to enjoy it!

Well, we didn't all split up. Jim and I stuck together. Jim and I don't understand those machines! Lots of flashing and lights...

We had to use the bathroom, so we killed some time walking around the whole place till we found them. When I came out, Jim was sitting at a slot machine. He had put in a $20 bill and was pushing buttons. Still not really getting it. Lights flash and sometimes bells ring. Sometimes the amount of money goes up. More often it goes down. However, we got up to $60 and Jim decided to try another machine. We still don't know what we're doing, but we just pick a similar machine and push buttons again. More flashing and ringing. Money up and down. Soon, we have $90!! I look at my watch. Only twenty minutes had gone by. We still had to kill forty minutes...

To make a long story somewhat shorter---We switched machines. Played. Flashing. Ringing. Money went down, down, down. Jim told me that he wanted to walk away with the $20 he started with. Then he left to go see if the B's were done. Left me alone and lost if I left the machine (I get lost easily). I kept playing. When he came back we had...drumroll please...thirty cents. Yep, that's right. If we would have just stopped at the $90 and wandered aimlessly for forty minutes...woulda, shoulda, coulda.

Mrs. B said that we couldn't leave with that amount of money. She found a machine and made Jim play till we lost that too...

Did I mention that we don't like casinos??

my Laura

Some people just don't understand...


I have loved Laura Ingalls Wilder since I was eleven and my teacher that year started reading her books to our class. I was hooked.  I read the Little House books over and over and over again. Still do. When I finished the books, I wanted to know more. Wanted to find out what happened next. Laura, her family and her life have always been a big part of my life. Even when my life was going through turmoil and I had to put her aside for awhile, she was always there. In my heart. When things settled down, she came back to stay. In the last few years, she has been there for me when I've had to deal with children becoming adults and my empty nest. And then again for the adjustment when they both showed up again. I love ya, kids, really I do! :)

Most people in my real life just don't understand my love and admiration for her. I mean, my family does. At least I think they do. My husband has been very indulgent. He has traveled to four of her homesites with me. He accompanied me to Minneapolis last year and sat through the musical. He never complains (well not much) when I find something "Laura" that I just HAVE to have. I'm sure my daughter gets it. She was lucky enough to go to Rocky Ridge with us. She read the books, but just doesn't share that love and enthusiasm that I hold in my heart. I've learned to get over the disappointment. My son, well he's more like "whatever". He enjoyed Farmer Boy when I read it to him. I'll assume he knows who she is. She's just always been there, a part of our lives. Especially now that she's taken over the living room.

So, when I talk about people not understanding I mean friends and some family members. They think I'm like...I don't know...a fluffy fan of the tv show. I've tried to explain that it's nothing to do with the tv show (I'm okay with the show), that it's the author, the pioneer woman, the wife and mother. It's Laura!

I was at a get-together the other night and had my camera. I'm not good about deleting pictures. Honest, it's a phobia of mine, even though they're on my computer and backed up on a stick, I just have a hard time taking them off of my computer. So, this friend was looking at my pictures and they go back to the trip my husband and I took a little over a year ago. We were headed to the Little House musical in Minneapolis and also went to three of her homesites. So, my friend is looking at these photos and she just kind of shakes her head a little. She doesn't understand.
That initiated a conversation with a family member, who was seated next to me. I was trying to explain to her (for the umpteenth time) what it all means. I told her about the Laurapalooza next year. I said to her, "You'll get it if you go to this website, Beyond Little House." I told her that I've even been privleged enough to write a couple of blogs. She said, "Oh, I just don't do those things."
Anyhow, I've strayed waay off my original subject. I love Laura Ingalls Wilder, the author and woman. I love the Little House books. I also love her other writings too. I love the life she lived, her family, the strength, the love that they all shared. I strive to learn more about her. I'm tired of trying to make people understand, but I'll never stop trying...

Our life...honestly...

Just about anyone who owns their own business will tell you that it pretty much rules your life. Ain't that the truth?! We have really made an effort, over the years, to try to balance family and business. I hope we've succeeded...

Our groundwater association has been after Jim for years to become more active. Jim has always turned them down. Any time outside of work (which wasn't much) was dedicated to whatever the kids were involved in: Girl, Cub, Boy Scouts, band, sports, etc. That was what was important to us. Wouldn't that be the case for everyone?

Okay, so fast forward several years. The kids are grown and sloooowly moving away from the nest. And coming back. And moving away again.

It's time to fulfill our duty to the groundwater industry!

Jim is now one of the directors. The state is divided into districts and Jim represents our district at the state association level. I'm a member of the auxiliary which means that, automatically, I have the same position at the auxiliary level. That probably sounds sexist doesn't it? Well, if I were to become a licensed well driller I could join the association. I don't wanna. I'm happy where I'm at!

Last spring, at the convention, Jim had to take over for the current director so we had to be at the convention for the entire time. We also attended the spring meeting, unofficially. Tomorrow, though, tomorrow is officially our first meeting! I'm a little nervous, actually, and I don't know why. I guess if allowed, I would become a hermit and never leave the house again. I force myself to do these things because, in the end, I know I will enjoy it and it's really not good to be a hermit! So, onward we go, putting forth our best effort! And hoping that they like us! Okay, Jim doesn't worry about that. I do.

Today we will make the trek toward the west (side of the state!). We learned our lesson, this past spring, about leaving early in the morning of the meeting/convention. It's too early! After all, tomorrow evening we have to go to a wedding back here. Tomorrow will be a very long day...

So, I must finish packing and getting ready. There are plans to be made, money to be raised, scholarships to be awarded!

just keep...

Swimming!

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do? Marlin: No I don't wanna know. Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. Marlin: Dory, no singing. Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim. Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head. Dory: Sorry.

That's one of my daughter's favorite sayings. Can you tell she's a teacher of small children? That is what I've decided to do and I hope that she is remembering it also!

I call it a funk...

I'm in a funk and I can't get out! I just feel so down the last few days. Things are getting to me and I can't seem to control how I react...It's an internal battle I'm having with myself and so far I'm losing! Hopefully, I can beat this. I really do hate feeling this way. I like things a certain way and it's just not gonna happen. I really have to get over it, don't I?

It's been over a week!

I have not had coffee in over a week! Feeling good! I have made coffee every morning, even at the cabin, and not had one drop. And the final test...Jim and I went out to breakfast Sunday morning and I had tea!!!

I have lots of pictures and some stories to tell about our little trip to the cabin. They will be coming soon...I hope... :)

what makes this time so different?

At least once or twice a year, I give up coffee. I don't drink much coffee, usually just a cup every morning. A couple of years ago, Jim and I both gave up coffee for Lent. He, mostly because I was and he was just helping me along. After Easter, we both didn't drink it for months. Months! What made us start again? Well, Jim started up again sooner than I. He quite often goes to breakfast on Sunday with an old friend, been doing it for longer than I've known him. It's the main reason we go to church on Saturday evening. So, coffee goes with breakfast with Mr. H... But me? What made me start again after so many months? I like tea, hot or cold. An occasional hot cocoa is good too. I don't need coffee... So, this time my reason is exchanging coffee for the benefits of green tea. This was my second morning without coffee. I woke up with a horrible headache and it felt as if I hadn't slept all night. My legs feel like rubber. I actually took a nap this morning, just a couple of hours after I got up! So, here I am dragging through my day all because I'm giving up one cup of coffee a day! So, wish me luck that it sticks this time. My question is: if I feel this poorly from giving up one cup of coffee a day, what is that one cup of coffee doing to my body??

various assorted topics...or...I have work to do and I'm avoiding it!

-> It's chilly. We never did have much of a summer and now it really feels like autumn. Does this mean our winter will be warm? I can hope, can't I? :) -> Jon is putting an offer in on a house. It's just a little house, but solid and on a real nice piece of property. The price is right, but he's got competition. I guess if he doesn't get it then that's not the house God intended for him. I hope it is though! A plus (in my view) - it's real close to us (less than a mile away). A minus (in Jon's view) - it's real close to us. I promised him that we just don't "stop by" whenever. We do have a life!

Our adventure in local travels

Well, our trip to the doctor's office with Mom wasn't as bad as I'd dreaded it would be. I called her a couple hours before we would leave to go to her, just to see if she needed anything. She was in good spirits and was planning to go to have lunch in the dining room (we can never get her to eat out of her room), so that she would eat early and be ready. Great! I was pretty proud of her. I took clothes out to hang on the line and when I came in there was a message on our machine. Of course, now she decided that she wasn't going to the dining room. She didn't want to be up in her chair so long since her leg was already swollen. I was a bit discouraged. We arrived with plenty of time to make sure Mom was ready and head out to the bus stop. Jamie decided that she would ride the bus with us instead of driving separately. So, I didn't feel so alone. I had been told that since they arranged to have the bus pick us up at 2pm, it could arrive anywhere from 1:45 to 2:15...It arrived at about 2! The driver was very nice, but told us that we didn't need to wait at the regular bus stop at the street (where I had been told to wait). This bus picks us up right outside the entrance. He was very nice, wheeled Mom up the ramp and strapped her chair to the floor. We were off! And, it costs .75 for adults (one way) and .35 for seniors - not bad. We got to the doctor's office 45 minutes early, but better than being late! There was lots of paperwork to fill out anyhow. This is the first time we had to take her to a doctor's appointment since we have guardianship and since she moved into the nursing home, and there were a couple of things I learned: we must take a copy of our guardianship papers (even though the paperwork from the nursing home clearly lists my sister and I as her guardians) and don't be afraid to ask questions. I honestly wasn't sure how the billing went either, but after a quick phone call to the nursing home, the receptionist found the information she needed in the paperwork that they had sent along. It all worked out. Phew! We were called back and my mom's ears were checked. Full of wax, which was very difficult to remove. The doctor had to use his handy-dandy little vacuum machine and she now has ears clean as a whistle. So, this is what we found: her hearing is slightly diminished, but not enough to require hearing aids, the dizziness she is experiencing is likely caused by fragments (?) of wax floating in her inner ear (not sure if I'm saying that right) which will likely go away eventually, but she was given exercises to help. So, now she can hear and that was that. The receptionist called to have the bus come back to get us. It was a very warm and sunny day and Mom wanted to sit outside and wait. We didn't know we would be waiting 40 minutes! Not so bad on a nice summer day. The driver pointed out that we could also arrange to have the bus take us shopping or to a restaurant, which Mom now wants to do! She actually wants to go to Olive Garden and then have us push her the 1/2 mile or so to the mall. Hmmm. Maybe one trip to the restaurant and a separate to the mall. She tolerated that whole thing well, but was in a lot of pain by the time we got back and was ready to hop (or not) into her bed. It is amazing how much simpler the whole process is without having to transfer her from her chair into a car (which, believe me, was very very very hard, and actually impossible as of last summer) and without having to take her to the bathroom several times (she has a catheter) which would take 15 to 20 minutes each time and she always had to go: right as we were leaving to go somewhere and right before the doctor was set to see her. We ran into her social worker on our way out and she was going to talk to Mom about going on the outings that they take. Their next one is to her favorite Chinese restaurant. None of us think that she will do it. She doesn't like hanging around with all of "those old people" :) It would do her a world of good to socialize with the other residents though... She called me Saturday morning, because she couldn't find the baggie she brought containing her mints and her change purse. Well, she had Jamie put it in her purse and Jamie took it out and gave it back to her when we left. She was in a panic, thinking someone stole her money (spare change). I told her I would ask Jamie. I told Jamie to call her, which she didn't do...grrr... So, a couple of hours later she called again. Still couldn't find it. Since I wasn't planning on going in for a few days, I told her one of us would look or she could ask her aide. She won't, she insists that they never help her. Well, then she would have to wait. Yesterday morning, while I was showering, she left a message saying that, "Hooray" she had found it right in her organizer (full of pouches) hanging up right next to her bed...

back to a full nest...for now

What a weekend! We (Jim, Jamie and I) arrived safely from moving Jamie back home from Georgia this morning at 1:30. Phew! We weren't planning to drive straight through, but Jim decided at about 10pm that he was not tired at all and wanted to press on. I think he was just as anxious to be "Home, Sweet Home" as I was! Jamie was a bit more reluctant, but continued on, following behind in her own car. We insisted that, if she felt sleepy, she needed to at least pull into a rest area for a short nap. After a stop at McDonald's for coffee (for Jim) and coke (for Jamie), she decided that she was fine for another three hours of driving. Apparently listening to the soundtrack from Grease helped! We were exhausted and maybe just a little cranky when we pulled into the driveway in the middle of the night. Jon was asleep, but Duke greeted us with a hearty doggie "welcome home"! Jon had told me earlier that Duke had eaten on Monday evening for the first time since we left. He does that whenever we leave, poor guy. So, it was a very busy weekend as we expected it would be. We were able to quickly and easily help Jamie finish packing and cleaning her apartment Saturday afternoon and Sunday. Things went smoothly. Everything fit into the truck, trailer and Jamie's car. That was a worry! The girl has a lot of stuff!! The drive home went well. We went through some wicked storms in north Tennessee. Lightening, thunder and rain so hard that we absolutely could not see! Thankfully, we drove out of it within a half hour or so. I was worried, because, at that time, Jamie was a good twenty miles ahead of us. She's a good driver, but ya gotta worry! We noticed quite a back-up on southbound I-75 and, when we came upon it, saw that a very large tree limb had fallen across the roadway, blocking all but the shoulder. It looked like the tree had been struck by lightening. We were glad it wasn't on our side! :) We crawled into bed by two this morning and I just could not sleep. Too many thoughts running through my mind, but, finally, sheer exhaustion took over. I didn't expect to wake up when Jon was up, but did wake up at six as he was having his breakfast. I decided to get up, bid him a "good morning and have a good day" and give him a kiss on the head. I headed right back to bed then, with incredible waves of dizziness overtaking me. Must have been the lack of sleep. I've just felt blah all day and look forward to crawling back into bed tonight! Tomorrow is back to the old routine...

business as usual

We have some friends who always thought that we had all the money in the world. They would think, "Well you make such-and-such an amount of money per job." Okay, well no...That's how much we charge. Out of that we pay for supplies, gas, insurance, wages (if we have an employee) taxes, etc. Owning your own business does not automatically make you a millionaire. Believe me! I know first hand. It is hard and it is stressful. When Jim and I were dating, actually when we were talking marriage, the business was a concern of Jim's. He was in the process of buying the business from his father. It was always going to be a huge part of his life and he wanted to make sure we would be clear on some things before we committed to spending the rest of our lives together. His mother always handled the bookwork, would I be willing to take over someday? I didn't have a problem with that, although, at the time I was planning on working full time outside the home forever. After buying the business and the property it sat on, it was assumed that at some point in time we would also buy the house that sits on the property and live there. I was always for that. I liked the house and thought it would be nice to live where we worked. Little did I know! And one of the big ones, long work hours, weekends, not many vacations. As our children got older, Jim was amazingly able to balance work and: being involved in as much as was possible (he once made wood book covers for Jamie's entire 5th grade class for a book-writing project), doing woodworking projects with my Girl Scout troop, going to every single band competition that Jamie was in, being at Jamie's dance recitals, being Cubmaster and then Scoutmaster when Jon was in Cub and Boy Scouts, doing every monthly Boy Scout campout and every yearly high adventure while he was Scoutmaster and going to football games and track meets that Jon was in. I could go on and on. Sometimes when Jim did these things, we lost out on business. Hopefully, though, these are things that had a great impact on our kids...So, Jim has done a fantastic job of making time to be with family. We've not had many vacations, but have done a creative job of incorporating business trips into family weekends together. I'm thinking a lot about the business lately (well I always think a lot about the business) because Jim is bidding (almost reluctantly) on a big job. I won't go into details, but it's government funded and that complicates everything and it is in less than desirable areas of the city (which means that it would be hard to leave our equipment there for the duration). Today, and the next few days, Jim is doing test work there. He usually does not show his stress level, but I can tell it's high. And he doesn't even have the job yet! The money from this job would help see us through this economic slump we're in. Honestly, though, I'm just not sure it's worth it. Jim feels the same way. These are the times that I better not hear someone say, "Oh, you're so lucky to have your own business!"

A Sunday in May

It's a beautiful day! The sun is shining brightly. I feel it's warmth clear through to my bones. Finally...spring!! I planted my flowers today. I've had some geraniums for two weeks now and they haven't fared well, waiting. I wanted to wait until we were past the risk of frost at night. And then I waited another few days until I could get to the store and buy the rest of my flowers. I didn't get everything I wanted this year. Looking more at the costs this year...I think it will look nice. Well, I hope it will. I tend to have a brown thumb. I have such a hard time planting, what with my bad knee. I became angry at myself, because it wouldn't have been so bad if I were not so heavy. Jim offered to finish planting for me, so I wouldn't have to kneel. Could the man be any more giving? One of his knees is bothering him horribly. He mentioned it once, the other day, and hasn't complained, but I can tell that he's favoring it. When he made the offer, he was putting a seal-coat on our brick patio/porch area...on his knees. No complaining from him. I shut my mouth and finished my planting. Afterwards, Jim put some mulch down and I had an allergic reaction. Hmmm...what is in this stuff? I told him that I would like to get a cow and make our own mulch. He was not real receptive to that idea. I also put my hummingbird feeder out today. Should have done it earlier in the month. I blame that on my memory. I saw a hummer last evening flutter past the window where the feeder usually is. I felt bad. They do remember, from year to year, and come looking. It never ceases to amaze me! So, the feeder is out. Come back my hummers! We decided not to get chickens this year. Jim pointed out that it's just not a good sign when the dog brings home a baby coyote (I mentioned this a couple of blogs ago), then a baby fox - that's right, a baby fox! I got Duke away from it and Jim and I put it in a box with a lamp on it and tried to give it water. It didn't look like it would make it at first. Then it's breathing became more regular. I called a local wildlife rescue place and took it to her. She put it on a heating pad and gave it Pedialyte. It was looking better by the time I left. I wanted to call and ask how it was, but was afraid to find out that it didn't make it. Oh, and Duke also found a nest of baby raccoons and their mother in an old storage trailer out back. Jim saw the mother and was going to "take care of it". Then found that she had babies. He made the mistake of showing them to me and I wouldn't let him touch them. She has since moved them all to a large storage shed out there. Raccoons are cute, but so destructive and mean. I told him that, from now on, don't tell me and don't show me. So, getting back to the chickens...with coyotes, foxes and raccoons nearby, we didn't think that chickens would stand a chance. Try again next year! We honestly have never seen a coyote or fox in all of the almost 18 years we've lived here. Plenty of coons though. They brutally killed all of our ducks. I used to love raccoons...And just to mention here that Duke is not a vicious dog by any means. He finds these creatures and simply plays with them. Unfortunately he doesn't stop. He does not try to "tear them apart" or anything. I don't want anyone thinking badly of my pup. Jamie is coming home next weekend! Hooray!!! She has had a very rough time of it, especially this past week. Almost decided to stay put. The pull of "home" was stronger though. I assured her that she needed to stay if that was where she really wanted to be, but I'm happy that she will be close to us again. I just hope and pray that she can find work. She's such a good person, a truly good person and she loves children. She loves trying to make a difference. She really deserves to be happy...and that is my wish for her. My weight loss has slowed, actually none at all last week. I will plug along though. My goal is to be healthy and I feel so much better. That's what counts. Some days are harder than others and some days I fall into old habits. I am determined though. There is so much I want to do. I pray every day for the strength to keep at it. Jim's 51st birthday is Tuesday. I thank God every day for bringing us together. He is caring, loving, and giving. He loves me no matter what. Some days I wonder why! I could go on and on, but then I'll get all mushy. So, I'll stop here. I love that guy though!

the mom thing that never goes away...

I've worried for two years that something would happen to Jamie and that I wouldn't be there for her... In March, she was in a car accident. I could talk to her right away and know that she was okay. It was all a big hassle having to deal with getting her car repaired, but she was not hurt. Today was different. It started yesterday. She called me and told me that she had been having horrible abdominal pain and that two of her co-workers took her to the doctor's. The doctor told her it was either a UTI or mittelschmerz (ovulation pain). Take some antibiotics and advil. The thing is she was in alot of pain still last night. I talked to her early this morning and she said she was still in pain, but was going to work. Her co-teacher was picking her up because she didn't want her to drive. That worried me, but I thought that she must be feeling somewhat better since she was going to work. Twice today I texted her, with no answer. Okay, not panicking. She gets really busy at work and I don't usually text her so she wouldn't be looking for one. I called her when I was on my way to my dentist appointment because her kids would be on the bus by then and she would probably answer her phone. No answer. Okay getting a little more worried. Then my phone rings and it's from her phone. "Hola", I say, assuming it was her. A short pause. A voice says, "This is Gina" (Jamie's co-teacher). Now I start panicking! "Jamie is lying on the classroom floor in pain (the kids had all gone by then) and she won't go to the hospital." I'm shocked and scared and reply, "Well tell her that she needs to go." We talked about it for a moment and then she hung up to take Jamie to the hospital, promising to call me in a little while. For some reason, I continue on to my dentist appointment. I tell the hygienist the situation and that I would need to answer my phone if it rang. A few minutes into my cleaning it rang with a call from an unfamiliar number. The school nurse this time. She tells me that Jamie really needs to go to the hospital and, of course, I agreed and told her that I had just spoken to Gina. Then she tells me that, at this point, Jamie could not walk. They would need to call an ambulance. More panic. I continue with my cleaning. Not real sure why, at this point, I just didn't stop and reschedule. Panic causes loss of reasoning skills. A few minutes later, phone rings again. Jim this time. I had left him a message after the first phone call. I update him on the situation. Continue with the cleaning. Finally done and with the news of a cracked tooth and a filling needing repair, I leave to go home and wait for someone to call. Jamie texts me and lets me know that they're doing a cat scan. Then texts again to tell me that they had to give her contrast dye and wait an hour to do the cat scan. Two and a half hours later and I'm waiting and worrying. I've enough experience with hospitals to know that it takes forever. I was in the ER once with my mom for eight hours before they finally admitted her and moved her to a room. So, then I decide to call the hospital. Well, okay, I called the wrong hospital. They took her to one not so close to her apartment. Another phone call. She's there and they transfer the call to her room. No answer. I hang up and call again, explain that there was no answer the first time. They transfer the call to her room. No answer. Again. I call a third time and explain more fully that when they transfer the call to her room no one answers. He tells me that he's right near her room and will go check. Comes back and tells me that there's no answer because there's no phone in that room. Grrr... He does tell me that she had turned the ringer off on her cell and she would turn it back on so I could call that. Finally. A tired and weak sounding Jamie answers. It's an ovarian cyst. They've done a cat scan and ultrasound and they're sending her home. They just wait and it'll either disappear on it's own or burst (my sister, the nurse, assures me that the bursting part is rare). She was discharged a few minutes later and her co-teacher drove her to the pharmacy, which told her that her scrip wouldn't be ready till 10:45! She didn't want Gina to wait that long and said she would pick it up herself in the morning. Of course, I'm worried about that. What if she needs the pain meds before then? Well, Jamie's weak and worn out and wanted to sleep. I hate that she's all alone so far from us when she really shouldn't be all alone. I have worried that something like this would happen and, well, one month before she's moving back, it did. I told her she was going out with a bang! She doesn't remember alot of the whole ambulance part of it, but enough to be embarrassed by it all. Oh, and that the "ambulance guy" riding with her was pretty darn cute.

My girls...

Okay, first of all, I'm not real sure I like referring to your breasts as girls. It seemed a catchy title though. About three years ago, when I had a mammogram, I had a scare. It was a scary scare at that. Before that, it had been about five years since I had had one and I know we're supposed to have them annually after we turn 40, but there's no breast cancer in my family---that I know of. So, I had my mammogram and I was called back to have my right side re-done. Wasn't sure why, but okay, I didn't want to take any chances. I went in for the second one and had to wait a few minutes while they looked at it. The tech came back in and said, "Can you come back for an ultrasound? There's an area that we're concerned about." A little knot formed in my stomach, I said, "Sure. Should I go schedule one?" She replied, "No, we'd like you to come back this afternoon, if possible." That knot grew and tightened. I was actually shaking! So, she gave me my time and I left. I struggled with whether to tell Jim or not. I didn't want him to worry. I ended up calling him on his job. He wanted to go back with me, but I assured him that it was nothing to worry about. I'd be fine on my own. I will never forget the sound of his voice. I had never heard him sound like that before... By the time I arrived home, he had called Jamie and told her to go with me. He's never done that before. I spent the day making bargains with God and praying. Finally it was time to go back. There was an area. I could see it. They called a doctor in to look at it. I thought I would be flat forever, I was squashed for such a long time. The doctor decided just to keep an eye on it. I would need to come back in six months. All of this terror that I experienced and then a sense of relief just flooded over me... We drove to where Jim was working so that I could tell him right away. His job is one that requires his full attention. I worry about him enough as it is, while he's drilling, let alone knowing that his mind wouldn't fully be where it should be. I vowed never to put off my mammogram again. A few minutes of discomfort is not worth this worry! I went back in six months. No change. A year later and fine. I relaxed. Two years go by. Why do I do that? I went in two weeks ago and had my mammogram. Yesterday, my doctor's office called they want to re-do the right side. I have to go in tomorrow. I'm sure it's nothing, but a little bit of me has this nagging fear...

Our walks

I love to walk on our property. I don't do it often enough, but have recently started making sure to schedule it into my day. Before our dog, Duke, came into our lives, I used to walk through the woods and out into the clearing. There I would spread my arms wide and give Thanks to God for the beauty of the day. I walk a different route now because part of our property has underground wire to keep the dog home. The clearing is not our property, but belongs to the county. I could enjoy it, but we could not wire it in! So now we walk, Duke and I, on the trail out to the little lodge in the woods. Even though Duke has the run of about five acres here, he loves it when I "take him for a walk"! Spring and fall are the absolute best times to walk when the weather is perfect. It's so calming and peaceful and brings me closer to God and the beauty that He created. Rarely, but still sometimes we see a lone deer resting among the trees. How awesome! Often we see tracks of the other animals that live in our woods. The little hand shapes of the raccoon, the turkey claw print, the occasional trail of a snack crossing in the sandy dirt, sometimes the cute little hopping feet of a rabbit. All God's creatures. I feel so blessed...

Another new beginning

I started a diet today! I honestly have not officially dieted in a very long time. Sure, I'd decided that I needed to make better food choices and take my daily walk, but something would come along and I'd stop paying attention. I haven't always been overweight. I have gained most of my weight in the first 10 or so years after I had my son 20 years ago. Then I seemed to settle in. Sometimes I'd lose a little, but when I gained it back I never went over this certain number. Well, this week I went over that number. Not sure why. I don't feel as if I've been eating more or that I've been less active. I started taking a new medication, but I only have to take it for a few days a month so - who knows. I just feel different lately. Like my weight is really affecting me. I know it has for years. I'm very overweight. But somehow it's just been different lately. I feel so heavy and doing things are just so much more difficult. My weight has never stopped me from doing life's everyday things. I feel like it is now, for the first time ever. It's time... I've said that before and have never stuck with anything. I'm hoping. I'm praying that this time will be different. I need to do this. I want to be healthy. I don't want to feel like people are staring at me and judging me. I don't want to have to worry about fitting. Those turnstiles that you sometimes have to go through to enter an event. I have to go sideways. Sometimes I have to squeeze into restaurant booths. When I have flown I've always worried that the airlines would tell me that I have to buy another seat. I can't find clothes that fit me that I like. I want to be normal. I just want to be normal! So, a while ago a friend asked me if I'd tried Weight Watchers. I had years ago when I had much less weight to lose. Things got busy and I stopped going to meetings. I checked into it a few weeks ago and just haven't worked up enough courage to go to a meeting. Yesterday, I decided to try it online for a while. I know it would be better to go in person and have that support and encouragement, but, I don't know. I want to say that this is so private for me, but here I am blogging about it! But it is. It's something I want to try on my own. If I need to I'll go to a meeting. For now, I figure this is better than doing nothing. I want to stick with it this time. I really do. I'm worried that I won't though. I know that there are triggers that cause me to eat. I really think mostly it's boredom. If I'm busy I don't think about it. If I'm working at my desk or doing housework I'll snack. Jim and I go out to eat a lot. I need to make better choices either way. Ha, maybe I'll blog whenever I get the urge to snack. There may be many, many blogs from now on, if I do that! It's time. It's really time. I've starting doing different things lately. Things that I've always wanted to do, but haven't taken the time. Jim and I decided that we wanted to do more things. Go to museums, concerts, local events, even travel a little by ourselves. I want to not have to worry about my weight stopping me and, most of all, I want to be here to do those things. I have allowed myself to be happy for the past few months. Losing the weight is just a piece in the puzzle. My happiness puzzle...

It's supper time!

A quick little memory today... When Jamie was about 18 months old, we were living with my parents. We lived there for about three years from the time she was about one until she was four. One evening, we were sitting down to dinner and I put Jamie in her high chair. She was very observant, always thinking and quite a talker. My mother brought out a platter of Italian sausage, arranged very nicely, apparently... As we started serving dinner, Jamie, not wanting to be forgotten, said, "I want some poop too!" What could have been going through her little mind? "Well, I guess if they're going to eat it I may as well too."

April snowstorm

I've always enjoyed a good snowstorm. When we don't have to go anywhere and when we're all together. I loved it when the kids were young. Finding out school was cancelled and climbing back into the warm and cozy bed for a little while longer, then spending the day all together. Nothing beats that! After the kids grew up it changed. Jon's living home now and he has to go to work no matter what the weather. That just makes it into another day to worry. When I woke up today, the snow had just started here. Our schools are on spring break, but I'd heard that the districts near where Jon works are all closed today. Apparently they have more snow there. Of course, that is cause for worry. No matter how old the kids get you worry about them! So, Jon left for work and made it to the end of the driveway, then backed up to the house. He had forgotten his cell phone still plugged into the charger. Lucky thing he came back. His boss had called. When Jon called him back he found out that power is out in their building. No power = no running machines = no work. For now anyhow. Back to bed for that boy! It's a cozy feeling. Jon's home (for now - he has classes tonight) and sleeping, Jamie's here for the week (she wasn't expecting to experience winter!) and is awake but not up yet, Jim is out in his shop. Now, if only they cancelled evening classes at Jon's college... Anyone want to play a board game? :)

It's good to be home...

We just got home a bit ago. We weren't gone long. Just four days. It just always feels good to be home when you've been away. I missed my son, my dog, my bed, my quiet too. Home sweet home...

a memory of "Titanic"

Once in a while a memory pops in my head. Out of nowhere. There it is. I may blog that memory. This morning, even though Jim and I are getting ready to leave for our 14 hour drive to Jamie's, I have to share one. It was funny to us, at the time. Our family is interested in history and Jim, in particular, was always interested in the Titanic. This was long before the movie came out. He's mostly fascinated by how things are built and how they work, a trait he inherited from his father and passed down to his son. So, when the movie came out we had to see it. Jon was too young at the time and had to wait till it came out on dvd. When the dvd was released, Jon was anxious to watch it. There was one particular scene that we didn't really want him to watch. You know, the one where Jack is drawing Rose topless. When that part was coming up we told Jon, "Now we want you to cover your eyes and we'll tell you when you can watch again." He did as he was told, but wanted to know why. We told him why and he was still young enough to agree that he didn't want to see that. He said to Jim, "Daddy, when you watched that at the movies did you cover up your eyes?" Daddy replied, "Yes, of course! I didn't want to see that!"

My boy, the "wild thing"

My boy (age 20, not so much a boy, I know ) takes after his dad. He does not enjoy reading. My husband only reads things like the newspaper or woodworking magazines or trade magazines. Basically things that he has to read to learn about something. Jon does not even read that much, which worries me. I hope that as he gets older and more mature he'll realize that reading is necessary and, of course, I would hope that he would learn to enjoy it. But then, I know he's too much like his dad. I have to jump in here and mention that they are both very smart and very good at what they do. Both of them have jobs that require them to use their brains. I think people don't give enough credit to others who choose to work at physical jobs. They are not all brawn with no brains. Okay, off my soapbox now! One thing that Jon did enjoy was being read to. I would read to him before he went to sleep and he always seemed to enjoy that. There came a time when I thought he was too old for it and should be reading on his own. I realize that was a mistake on my part as he just plain stopped reading. There was this one very exciting year in 6th grade that he had an awesome teacher. She had actually, several years earlier, been a bank executive and my boss at the bank I worked at. I never really liked her as she talked down to us and treated us like no-brainers (that's actually what she referred to our jobs in bank records as). After this bank ceased to exist she made the choice to get her teaching degree. Terrible boss but excellent teacher. I was worried at the beginning of the year, but was quickly put at ease. I would rank her up there with one of the best teachers that either of my kids experienced. Anyhow, she loved to read and somehow that struck my son. Never mind that I love to read! He read book after book that year! I was in my glory, looking for new and interesting books for him to read! He must have impressed this teacher because she nominated him for 110% student that year. A handful of students are nominated and honored at a lunch and have thier photo on a prominent bulletin board for the remainder of the year. I was able to read her letter of nomination. Like I said before, excellent teacher. She was able to teach my son to enjoy school and enjoy reading, something he hadn't done since maybe second grade and something he didn't really do again, except when he discovered his love of metal machining in his senior year (which doesn't mean he enjoyed his half day of classes that year!). I had hoped that the love of reading would carry on, but, no, he is a doer and I'm still trying to learn to accept that. We are having a terrible time getting him to continue taking college courses. He works full-time and is learning and loves it. He's very good at it too, actually. Won a national competition in his field two years ago, if I may be a proud mom for a moment! That's the part of him that loves to learn by doing, not by sitting in a classroom. We really think that if he had gone off to college, like we (and he) had originally planned that he would have ended up dropping out. It would have been too much. So, we can only hope that we can continue to encourage him to take a class or two at a time until he either earns a degree or realizes that the degree will benefit him in the long run. Why am I thinking about my boy and reading this Saturday morning? One of Jon's favorite books that I read to him (nearly every night for a very long time!) was "Where The Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak. I learned that they are making it into a movie. Without young children or grandchildren (yet) I have no excuse to go see this. I wonder if my boy would want to...oh, but I know he would never admit it. http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/buzz-log-wild-things.html

a beginning

Well, we all have to start somewhere... It's funny, I started setting this up last fall and forgot. I found out why I forgot. I couldn't come up with a name for my blogspot. Strange reason, I know. So, this is my first time blogging, unless you want to count myspace. I want to write. I've always wanted to write and life just kept getting in the way. I married at 18, had my daughter at 19 and divorced at 21. Then I had to start over again. Wasn't easy. I married my soulmate, the love of my life just before I turned 25 and had my son at 28. That has been my priority since. I have been actively involved in what my kids were involved in: scouts, sports, band while helping my husband run our business. Why now? My kids have grown up - 20 and 28. Our business has slowed, hopefully not too slow! I have some time on my hands that I never had before. So, now I write. A journal of sorts, I guess. I'll write what's on my mind. I'll record memories. I'll write about my interests. I'll write about my family. If you happen to come across my blog, I hope you find it interesting, hopefully entertaining at times. Who knows. I'll just write what's on my mind...